Printer Euphoria

This is going to sound a little silly - but there is one thing I am super excited about right now. I HAVE A NEW PRINTER!

Okay, yes - nothing to get excited about. EXCEPT IT IS!

So, our printer right now prints slowly, doesn't print double sided unless you feed it manually, takes extremely expensive ink, and in general is not very useful for anything beyond the occasional menu/picture printing. The upside being, it also scans. But, as you may or may not know, I finished writing my first full-sized book this year. Close to 100,000 words. And, being a writer, I have to print it out in order to properly edit it. So, Daniel suggested I put it on a thumb drive and go to a FedEx or something to print it.

But I realized that, if I am going to be a writer, this may be a fairly common occurrence. The need to print tons of pages. So, I did a little research, found a printer that was recommended for writers, and decided to buy it! So, yes - I am excited. I have a printer officially for writing. It makes me feel one step closer to being a real writer.

Seriously - it is a laser printer, prints double-sided, has wireless printing (I can write something on the couch and print it at my desk!), prints super fast, and has high yield ink (2600 pages before needing replacement!). For those of you who are interested, I have a lovely picture of it below.

Okay - I'll stop ranting about a printer now and let you take a breath of relief.

So, this means that I no longer have any excuse to not edit Picture of the Past. I am still working on Ethrill too, but I have this desperate desire to have both books finished by the end of the year, and maybe even have PoP ready for someone to read. Am I being too ambitious? Perhaps. But better to be too ambitious than not enough, right?

Writing Exercises

I've not written in far too long. It's funny. Whenever I take too long a break from writing, I begin to feel as though life is stretching out in front of me with no breaks, and going super fast simultaneously, and I begin to long for a break and pester Daniel to bring me on a cruise or a vacation. As soon as I begin writing again, though, a sense of contentment settles over me and I once again feel that I am fine, and life is fine, and I don't need a vacation to keep living without going crazy.

I bought myself 642 Things to Write About a few months ago after wanting it for years (yes, years). I had only gotten through one exercise until today. Mostly because when I sat down to write, I was working on one or both of my books and didn't think I should take the time out to work through exercises. Today, though, I just did three exercises in a row, which was an great reminder of how good writing exercises are to get the juices flowing again. Writing is rarely easy, and even less so when you haven't taken time out for it in awhile, but if anything will get you started again, I think it is writing exercises with prompts.

I have the day off today after working over by 18 hours during the last pay period, and intend to use it writing - of course, best intentions always go awry - but if nothing else, at least I did the writing exercises. And I've been longing to have some quiet time, so I think no matter how much (or little) writing I actually get done today, it will be a good day. I don't even mind the rain. It adds to the ambiance of a day to spend writing. And I will finally get to read the Writer's Digest that has been waiting for me for a month.

Writer Fears

If you've read the description for this blog, you know that my intention was (and sort of still is) to use it to talk about research I'm doing for books I'm currently writing, as well as keep you sort of up to date on what I'm writing - just in case you are interested. Well, if you check this blog on any sort of regular basis (highly doubtful), you know I've been doing a smashing job! Or not.

It's time to admit it. Unless my posts affect me personally somehow and I am emotionally invested in it, it is hard to write them. I wanted to keep this blog away from more personal stuff because - well. A couple reasons.

1: I don't like talking about my writing, particularly when I know the people reading my talking. It is incredibly personal for me. When I talk about my writing, I feel like I am opening my heart and laying it out for people to stomp on. So I thought if I only talked about research, I could fulfill the requisite "must have online writing presence to get published" without showing people I know who I am.

2: I am linking to this blog on my social media, which means that friends and family might actually click on that someday and read this. I am fearful that if they find out about my true love - writing - and that even though I've loved it since I was 8 I still haven't had anything real published, they will think of me as a failure.

3.: Everyone thinks they are a writer. Anytime someone mentions that they have written/are writing/want to write a book, everyone else in hearing distance pipes up, eager to talk about how they, too, want to write a book and be a writer. And somehow, it gets frustrating for me to hear everyone around me talk about it as though they understand what it is to actually be a writer. Most people who "want to write a book" have no idea of the constant emotional turmoil people who are wired as writers suffer. Of the struggle through lack of inspiration, the simultaneous hatred and love of every sentence put down. The fear of doing it and inability not to. Of actually being a writer. Not just writing. And I want to explain it to them, but again, I don't. Because I'm afraid.

Overall - it is just fear. My closer friends know that fear - and especially fear of failure - is my old enemy. I like getting things right on the first try. And if I don't think I will, I am less likely to even try. Except when it comes to writing itself.

So, anyway. All this to say, I'm going to try (once again) to overcome my constant fear of failure and update this blog based not just on research, but my personal life in writing.  Because, published or not - open heart or not - it is who I am.  And I would write even if I knew I would never be published. So it's time for me to get over it.